このエピソードは私が大学在学中から現在に至るまでに体験した話です。
私は20歳の頃、いつから呼ばれ出したか定かではありませんが、裏原系というファッションの虜になっていました。
有名なものにA BATHING APE（APEやBAPEと略称）というブランドがあり、それまでモード系のブランドファッションばかりだった自分とは縁のないブランドでした。
大学に入学し、新しい生活が始まり、様々なものに挑戦してみたいという気持ち、自分をドラスティックに変えてみたいという一心からファッションも新しい物に挑戦しようという思いでAPEの服を着始めました。
当時周りにはそこまでAPEの服を着ている人は少なく、また、APEは展開されてから数年で手に入れるのも困難な程のブレイクブランドになりました。特に迷彩カラーやゴリラやチンパンジーのキャラクターを大きくプリントにした物やAPEロゴをジーパンにプリントした物、フード部分に鮫の顔を仕立てあげたパーカー等、とにかくアクロバットで目立つデザインで有名なのですが、私も奇をてらうそのデザインにいつの間にか首ったけになっていくまで、そう時間はかかりませんでした。
勿論、自分ではAPEを着こなし、似合っていると強く思っていました、
そう、あの時までは。
当時私はストリートミュージシャンをしており、夜な夜な路上に出てはギターを片手に声をあげていました。その時のファッションも勿論全身APE。そんな自分のところへ何度も歌を聴きに来てくれた女性といつしか親密になり、お付き合いをするようになりました。
その女性もまたAPEやアンダーカバー、ステューシー等を着こなし、似た者同士でした。
二人で同じファッション雑誌を読みあさり、APEの服を交換しては街中を歩いたり、挙句東京のAPEストアまでショッピング旅行まで行く始末、真性のAPEバカだったと自覚しています。
その女性とは私が25になるまで約2年程の付き合いでした。
単刀直入に言います。私の人生に大きな影響を与えたトラウマの原因は別れ際の彼女の一言です。
「てめー、APE全然似合ってねぇんだけど、一緒にいて超恥ずかしぃんだけどっ」
私は怒りました。とっさに拳を近くの電柱に叩きつけ、自分の拳が赤く染まった痛みと記憶は今でもよく覚えています。
「はじめから言えよ」と。いや、彼女が本心で言っているのかそうでないことは問題ではなく、これまでの二人の日々の思い出が脆く崩れ消え去って行く恐怖のほうが大きかったです。
怒りや恥ずかしさはいつしかトラウマにかわりました。
それ以後もう二度と人の目にとまるような目立つファッションは私の選択肢から除外された人生をおくっています。目立たないがコンセプトのファッションをするようになり、それをきっかけに性格まで大人しくなったようにさえ思えます。
しかし何の因果でしょうか、現在同棲している彼女が私の苦い記憶を思い出させるファッションをしているのです。
人生とは不思議なものです。勿論APEも着用しています。服に罪は無いことは百も承知しています。しかし、今尚APEの呪縛から解き放たれない自分がいて、苦しくなる時だってあります。
でも今の彼女に着るなとは絶対に言いません、だって彼女は彼女なのだから。
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